It seems like not so very long ago, this week would have been filled with shopping and backpacks, and signing forms and trying to move back bed times to school time, and saying good bye to summer… Strangely enough, this week in my family it’s Back to School time again in a big way. Student teaching, law school, seminary. But this time, I’m not in charge. Darn it.
My children amaze me. They are faithful, grace filled, brave, smart, focused. Over the next couple of weeks, they all embark on new adventures in their lives, adventures they all feel called to by the God they faithfully serve. For each of them, this is an exciting time, but for each the adventure calls for sacrifice, tough decisions, and the compromises and accommodations that grown up life tends to ask for. I have no doubt they are ready for this challenge. But, to be honest, I would rather be in charge.
All of motherhood has been an education in trusting God, but when they are small, you carry the illusion that you are partnering with God in shaping these little lives and hearts. God has put you in charge of the day to day details, and therefore you can pretend to yourself quite easily that you are in charge of your little universe. There is nothing like being the mother of adult children to remind you who is REALLY in charge.
Jesus told his disciples that following him meant taking their lives down to the bone and putting it all in his hands. He told them that their hearts were where their treasure was, and he wanted to be that treasure. He asked them to give it all over to him. I realized a few years ago that, knowing my heart, God wasn’t asking me to head off to Africa, or to risk my life, or to change everything around me in an instant just to serve him. No….knowing my heart, God asked me to give him the one thing I treasured above all else – my kids. God asked me to let him direct their lives and be happy as long as they were following him to find their way. There are plenty of days when I would much rather go to Africa. I have learned more about trusting God and following his plan by daily, hourly, putting these amazing human beings in his hands and trying my best to get out of the way than I could have learned any other way.
So, this week I won’t be packing any backpacks or signing any permission slips or packing any lunches. I don’t have any carpools and no one is going to let me supervise homework. I will be doing what all mothers do, and what the mothers of adults learn is the best, and only thing we can really do.
Like the title of the blog says, Mama will be praying.